Remember this? I found it at the grocery store. I didn’t know they still made it.

Jiffy Pop

It got me thinking. When I was a kid we used to go camping just about every other weekend. MD, PA, WV, VA, mainly. Anyway, we used to stop on the way to a campground in PA at a little general store. There, we used to get these little fruit pies. I remember them being the tastiest little things I’ve ever had in my entire life. I know from experience that sometimes the reality doesn’t match up to the memory, but I sure wish I could find those pies. My parents tell me they think the company went out of business. Maybe I should investigate myself. Meanwhile,  I’ve got popcorn.

Ew, Seriously? So Gross.

March 15, 2012

Make no mistake. I hate Geico. I hate the lizard. I hate the cavemen. I hate Maxwell, the ugly fat little pig. I realize i’m in the minority on that one. I’m so offended by the frequency and content of their commercials that I would never consider spending a dime with them. But, something strange happened recently. Someone at Geico made me laugh. Twice, now that I think about it. First it was the “Woodchucks” Chucking wood. Then it was the High School “Popular Girls” following the cheap wanna-be dieter. So reminded me of my nieces. I still wouldn’t buy insurance from them…unless…they made my commercial. The camera pans in…the gecko is trying to tell the cave man about Geico insurance. The caveman bites the head off the gecko, as he chews, a T-rex gobbles up the caveman…pull back to see Maxwell roasting over an open fire… on the ground in front of the fire we see a pinwheel and hear a faint, echoing “Weeeeeeee…” …and fade to black! I know…”dude, that is so totaly gross”.

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Steve’s Spaghetti

March 14, 2012

My friend Steve used to make the best spaghetti. But he moved to South Carolina, so I’ve had to fend for myself. I’m not a cook nor a teacher, but here are pictures of my take on Steve’s recipe.

Amounts vary (make them up, that’s what I do.)

half a Vidalia onion
a bell pepper (I use yellow or orange)
fresh mushrooms sliced
ground beef (I use 2 lbs)
Jar of store bought sauce (I use Ragu)
Tomato paste
Red wine
salt, pepper
sugar

Painful Elixir

March 13, 2012

Professor Phardtpounder’s Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce. Elixir of Capsaicin Extremus.

No thank you.

Painful Elixir

Sorry for the blurry pics, I was shaky after trying this shit.

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Samoas, Tagalongs, Do-Si-Dos, Trefoils, and Thin Mints (my favorite). If you don’t know, these are a few of the most popular Girl Scout Cookies. Yep, it’s that time of year again. I was lucky. Right across the street lived 3 little girls scouts. Every year they’ed knock on my door and I’d put in an order. Or their mom would call say they had cookies, “What would you like?” Unfortunately, they moved away several years ago so I’ve had to find my cookies elsewhere. It hasn’t always been easy, which is probably a good thing. I went to the grocery store yesterday and the Girl Scouts were selling their cookies out in front. I bought 3 boxes of my favorites. Thin Mints may not make me thin, but it is for a good cause. Right?

 

Thin Mints

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I ask because I am making a meal, just…not from scratch. I’m grilling chicken breasts (marinated in Soy Vay’s “Island teriyaki”) and serving them with microwaved garlic mashed potatoes and Delmonte canned creamed corn. You see, I love to eat but I really don’t like to cook. I try not to eat-out or take-out every night. Listen, I know that most food tastes better fresh. I just don’t have the patience for that. I love to eat…other peoples cooking.

Whether you think I’m cooking or not, I’m eatin’ what I’m heatin’!

Yes, it was very tasty, and I’ve two more chicken breasts and plenty taters and corn for leftovers!

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I had dinner with my parents tonight.  Yeah, I’m lucky. Not only do I still have both my parents, they like me enough to have me for dinner. Anyway, as I started to inhale some awesome tilapia, potatoes and green beans, I had to stop and quickly take a sip of my drink. That fish was hot…as in temperature hot. I suddenly realized I had never had a cold or even just warm meal at my parents house. I tried to think of anywhere I’d eaten that I could say every meal I’ve ever had, has always been hot. (excluding meals served cold, obviously) Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had wonderful, hot, and delicious meals at friends and family (frequently). It’s just that tonight, eating that meal, made me realize the parents meals are always unbelievably hot. Mom’s secret? I know she heats the plates in the oven before serving, but other than that she’s not tellin’.

Just on the cusp of the food court at the mall you can find the entrance to sugar high heaven, better known as Candy World. Just like Disney world is better than Disney Land, I have to assume Candy World is better than Candy Land. I had seen small candy stores before, but this was…monumental. A whole world all about candy. I was overwhelmed. My eyes didn’t know where to look first. All the candy I’ve ever enjoyed throughout my life and then some. Was this…nirvana? (Screaming kid screams behind me) Nope. Not nirvana. But Amazing none the less. When I was a kid (flashback to me as a kid) My Grandmother used to take me and my brother to the mall. There was a tiny candy shop where she used to buy us these soft sugary slices of candy.

What a great memory.


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Guess what I found at Candy World?

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Damn you Betty Crocker

February 25, 2012

The spoon fell into my mouth. I couldn’t help myself. The devil made me do it? Well, none of that is true. I chose to buy and eat the frosting. But,  I did spread it out over a few days. Is that bad?

Yum...ah..I mean Bad frosting...very Bad.

Turns out flat food sucks

February 24, 2012

“Man, that looks great!” “Look at all that chicken and cheese!”  Those were my thoughts after seeing this poster at Taco Bell.

So I went in and saw this above the counter

Looks fantastic! And Big! I ordered 2 to go.

I got home and…

with…

great anticipation…

opened the sandwich…

This is what I got.

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Ah…yeah. To say I was pissed off is an understatement. I truly felt like I got ripped off. To be honest, I know how it works. Pictures of juicy burgers piled high with green lettuce and red tomatoes sell burgers. Pictures of perfectly portioned and proportioned pizzas and so on…but this was just ridiculous. It’s not even close to the advertised picture. I don’t care if its sloppy, but damn! A tablespoon of chicken and cheese and ranch? Seriously? Fail.

I can hear some of you saying “What do you expect for 99¢?” Have you ever had a 99¢ burrito? They are loaded! This thing wasn’t worth 25¢.

By the time I got back to Taco Bell to complain months had gone by, the item was off the menu, and…well…I didn’t have the heart to lay into someone who really couldn’t understand me anyway. So I just ordered a beef burrito instead. It was good, looked as it should, and I was happy.

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